"THE SLEEPING DELEGATES AT THE ONGOING NATIONAL CONFERENCE IN NIGERIA"

The various pictures of some delegates that slept off during the planetary sessions at the ongoing national conference in Nigeria have been circulating on the social media for the last few days. The most important questions around this highly embarrassing developments are below:(i). Are these selected delegates medically and physically fit for the rigor and the challenges of this national assignment that is expected to shape the destiny of Nigeria as a nation for many decades to come? (ii). Do these delegates get enough sleep overnight that is needed to be physically active and alert at the long sitting hours of brainstorming at this conference? (iii). How can these delegates be active participants and properly represent the various interests and expectations of their states and pressure groups in all reality if they go to this national conference to sleep at most of the meetings? (iv). Have these sleeping delegates forgotten completely that this national assignment in which they were selected as delegates that will decide the future of Nigeria require all their personal attention, full inputs and active involvement or participation? (v). Are the Nigerian tax payers paying these sleeping delegates N12 million or $75,000 for their sleeping assignment? Finally, Nigeria has no bright future ahead of her if some of her destiny sharpers are all sleepers.

"NIGERIANS CELEBRATE MEDIOCRITY AS A STANDARD WAY OF LIFE" - FEMKE VAN ZEIJI

I used to think corruption was Nigeria’s biggest problem, but I’m starting to doubt that. Every time I probe into one of the many issues this country is encountering, at the core I find the same phenomenon: the widespread celebration of mediocrity. Unrebuked underachievement seems to be the rule in all facets of society. A governor building a single road during his entire tenure is revered like the next Messiah; an averagely talented author who writes a colourless book gets sponsored to represent Nigerian literature overseas; and a young woman with no secretarial skills to speak of gets promoted to the oga’s office faster than any of her properly trained colleagues.

Needless to say the politician is probably hailed by those awaiting part of the loot he is stealing; the writer might have got his sponsorship from buddies he has been sucking up to in hagiographies paid for by the subjects; and the young woman’s promotion is likely to be an exchange for sex or the expectancy of it. So some form of corruption plays a role in all of these examples.

But corruption per se does not necessarily stand in the way of development. Otherwise a country like Indonesia—number 118 on Transparency International’s Corruption Perception Index, not that far removed from Nigeria’s 139—would never have made it to the G-20 group of major economies. An even more serious obstacle to development is the lack of repercussions for underachievement. Who in Nigeria is ever held accountable for substandard performance?

Since I came here, I have been on a futile search for a stable internet connection that does what it promises. I started with an MTN FastLink modem (I consider the name a cruel joke), and then I moved on to an Etisalat MiFi connection (I regularly had to keep myself from throwing the bloody thing against the wall), and now I am trying out Cobranet’s U-Go. I shouldn’t have bothered: equally crap. And everyone knows this. They groan and mutter and tweet about it. But still, to my surprise, no one calls for a class-action suit against those deceitful providers.

A one-day conference I attended last year left me equally puzzled. Organisation, attendance and outcome left a lot to be desired, if you ask me. But over cocktails, after the closing ceremony, everyone congratulated each other over the wonderful conference—that started two hours late, of which the most animated part was undeniably lunch, and in which not a single tangible decision had been made. This left me wondering whether we had attended the same event.

I thought these issues to be unrelated at first, but gradually I came to see the connection. Nigeria is the opposite of a meritocracy: you do not earn by achieving. You get to be who and where you are by knowing the right people. Whether you work in an office, for an enterprise or an NGO, at a construction site or in government, your abilities hardly ever are the reason you got there. Performing well, let alone with excellence, is not a requirement, in fact, it is discouraged. It would be too threatening: showing you’re more intelligent, capable or competent than the ‘oga at the top’ (who, as a rule, is not an overachiever either) is career suicide.

It is an attitude that trickles down from the very top, its symptoms eventually showing up in all of society, from bad governance to bad service to bad craftsmanship.

Where excellence meets no gratification, what remains to be celebrated is underachievement. That is why it is not uncommon to find Nigerians congratulating each other over substandard results. It is safer to cuddle up comfortably in shared mediocrity than to question it, since the latter might also expose your own less than exceptional performance. Add to this the taboo of criticising anyone senior or higher up and it explains why so many join in the admiration of the emperor’s new clothes.

I have been writing this column for the last year, and after ten months I realised my angles were getting more predictable and my pieces less edgy. I figured newcomers do not remain newcomers forever and therefore decided to round up the ‘Femke Becomes Funke’ series this month, a year after it started. Ever since I announced the ending, tweeps have been asking me to change my mind and in comments on the columns and through my website I get songs of praise that make me feel my analyses of Nigerian society are indispensable. If I had no sense of self-criticism, I might be tempted to reconsider my decision to discontinue the series and start producing second-rate articles. Who would point this out to me if I did?

The hardest thing to do in Nigeria is to continue to realise there is honour in achievement and pride in perfection. I imagine the frustration of the many Nigerians who do care for their work, who take pride in their outcomes and who feel the award is in a job well done. When you know beforehand that excellence will not be rewarded, you are bound to do the economically sane thing and limit your investments to accomplishing the bare minimum. This makes Nigeria a pretty cumbersome place for anyone striving for perfection. 

"NIGERIA CANNOT BECOME AN EMERGING ECONOMY WITHOUT BECOMING A DATA-DRIVEN SOCIETY"

Nigerian government has no accurate nor an exact data of almost everything that she plans for as a nation of 54 years old. Nigerian government has no accurate data of her own national population in 2014. Nigerian government does not know the number of Nigerians that live in the diaspora at the moment. There is no exact data of the nation's birth rate, death rate, immigration rate and emigration rate.
 Nigerian government cannot tell Nigerians the exact amount of money that is in her foreign reserves at anytime. Nigerian government does not have the exact data for the number of Nigerians locked up in the foreign prisons. Nigerian government does not know the exact amount of money that Nigerians in diaspora remit back to Nigeria yearly.

Nigerian government does not have an up-to-date data of her national poverty rate, unemployment rate, crime rate, university graduation rate, high school graduation rate, the monthly job creation and losses, number of retirees, number of students, number of public sector workers as well as the private sector workers also. The country has no accurate data of the number of the nation's tax payers, amount of the taxes that are collected yearly and the number of the registered businesses operating in Nigeria in 2014. Nigeria does not know the number of the men and officers in her own army, air force, navy, police, SSS and the other state security agencies. Nigeria government does not know how many barrels of her oil are lost daily, monthly and yearly to oil theft.

Nigerian government does not know how much money is laundered abroad yearly through her banks or the value of the goods that are smuggled yearly into Nigeria through her porous land, air and sea borders. Nigerian government has no data on her yearly brain drain rate or on the numbers of her home based professionals, such as, doctors, lawyers, teachers, university professors, accountants, pilots, IT experts, pharmacies and nurses. The truth is that no nation in this information age can properly plan if she is not totally data-driven. The plan to make Nigeria to become one of the emerging economies of the 21st centuries is an illusion as it stands today. Nigerian government will not be able to manage her state resources effectively and will not be able to prevent wastage, resource mismanagement and official corruption without using the accurate data to do her national planning effectively as well as her policies implementation.

"HOW TO KNOW A FAKE PASTOR"

Any pastor that ties your financial life or wellbeing in this human universe to the regular and mandatory payment of your tithes and offerings to his Church and personal ministry is a liar, a heretic teacher, a charlatan, a ponzi schemer, a worldly fellow, a manipulator of the teachings of the Bible, a cheater, a fraudster, a deceiver and a chronic lover of money and materialism. Any pastor that does not tell you that education and skills are both important in this life in order for you to be able to tap into those employment and financial opportunities is a first-class fraudster. Any pastor that does not tell you that money is made through employment, business ownership, trade and investment is a religious 419 in all reality. Any pastor that does not tell you to live within your own financial means and not to buy what you do not need or cannot afford or to give him or his Church what you do not have in this life is a fake man of God.

"AMERICA CAN DESTROY RUSSIA ECONOMICALLY OVER HER MILITARY INVASION OF UKRAINE"

President Barack Obama reacted to the military invasion of the Crimea, the eastern part of Ukraine with these words "There will be costs for any military intervention in the Ukraine". The questions that follow this stern warning from the American government to the Russia Federation are the following:(i). What are those costs that Russia will be made to pay for by the American government? (ii). How will America make Russia to pay for these costs in all reality? (iii). What will be the direct impacts of these costs on the Russia Federation at the end of the day? (iv). Is a military war against Russia in Ukraine by America a practical possibility in the future and in all reality? (v). Is America a barking or a threatening dog that will never bite the invaders at the end of the day?

The truth is that the Russian national economy which is based on oil, gas, metals, timber and fish production and exportation is all western nations dependent in all reality. The admission of Russia in 2001 by the western economic powers into the World Trade Organization (WTO) has allowed Russia to enjoy a greater access to the overseas markets. Some analysts estimate that WTO membership could grow the Russian economy with a yearly bounce of up to 3%. The Russian membership of the WTO has increased her foreign reserves by becoming the third largest in the world today. This economic boom in Russia is due directly to the Russian WTO membership which has now reduced the poverty rate from 40% to 13% in Russia. The wages of the Russian workers have also gone up from $80 to $1,000 a month since joining the WTO. The unemployment rate in Russia has also gone down from over 12% to less than 6% since becoming a member of the WTO. The Russian national currency, the Ruble is now an international recognized currency that is in high global demand since joining the WTO. The middle class membership in Russia has increased from 8 million persons in 2000 to almost 60 million persons today since her membership of the WTO. Russia is now one of the lowest foreign debts among the major global economies since her admission into the WTO.

America can revoke the membership of the Russian Federation from the G-8 nations and WTO. America with her western allies can jointly freeze the foreign bank accounts and the current assets of the Russian leaders and businessmen in the west which run into tens of billions of the American dollar. America and her western allies can also put travel and visa ban on all the Russian officials and businessmen coming to the west. America and her allies can revoke all the existing trade agreements and diplomatic relationships with Russia. America and her allies can isolate Russia from having any access to the viable global markets. These measures if they are well implemented by America and her allies will destroy the Russian growing national economic, depreciate the value and the global demand for her national currency, the Ruble, reduce wages inside Russia, lower the standard of living of most Russians and push up the unemployment rate inside Russia. The Russian foreign reserves will also deplete rapidly without those foreign trades and agreements. The Russian Federation under the mercy of Putin may eventually be forced to withdraw from her military adventure and experiment inside Ukraine. Time will surely tell.

"THE WHOLE TRUTH THAT NIGERIANS MUST KNOW ABOUT THE MENACE OF THE BOKO HARAM"

This ongoing killing spree by the Boko Haram in the Northeast of Nigeria is the direct evidence of the gross failure of the government of Jonathan Goodluck of Nigeria despite the yearly huge security budget that is set aside for fighting terrorism. Jonathan Goodluck controls the entire resources of Nigeria, her domestic and international affairs and he has the constitutional backing and the presidential powers or responsibilities to protect all Nigerians with those huge resources and the federal might. This President has failed woefully to do that in all reality. Is Boko Haram more financed than the entire oil producing federal government of Nigeria? Is Boko Haram wealthier than the Nigerian government? The massive unabated official corruption in Nigeria is what is directly responsible for the failure of the Nigerian security forces to be able to stamp out the menace of this dreaded Boko Haram. Our soldiers lack the modern fighting gadgets and the 21st century trainings or skills that are needed in the fighting against terrorism because the defense budget of Nigeria is sitting in the private bank accounts of our public officials and security chiefs. The 10% of the $20 billion that is alleged to be missing from the NNPC is enough to put Boko Haram completely out of operation and into the dustbin of history.

"THE FUTURE OF THE NATION OF UKRAINE"

About 45 million people live in that country. The entire eastern part of Ukraine has strong historical, political, social, cultural and language ties to the former Soviet Union. It was part of the then USSR until 1954 when that part of the then Soviet Union was given to Ukraine. The Russian language remains the number one traditional and spoken language in the entire eastern Ukraine nation today. The entire eastern Ukraine or the ethnic Russians voted massively for the ousted President of Ukraine, Yanukovych during the last election. The city of Crimea where the over two million ethnic Russians live today and is now militarily invaded by the Russian soldiers is just a stone throw from the Russian border. 

Since Russia on one hand and the west that is led by America are both equally interested in the control of the nation of Ukraine and her future. The best political solution in my own judgement and based on the recent accounts of the human history is to divide Ukraine into two independent nations that can coexist side by side. The majority ethnic Russian part of Ukraine can form its own independent nation and the rest of Ukraine can stay together in the same way and manner that the Hitler's Germany was divided after the end of the second world war as West Germany for the west and East Germany for the then USSR . This political arrangement worked perfectly for the whole world and in the interest of global peace during the cold war of 1945 to 1990.

The America's only effective weapon at the moment against Russia that is bent on controlling Ukraine is not the war. America and the west will never go to war over Ukraine. The west cannot afford the political fallouts, the price tag for this war of choice and the cost in both the treasure and the precious human life. It will be an ill wind that blows nobody any good. America's only option is to persuade her western allies to boycott the G-8 meeting that is coming up in Sochi, Russia this summer and to technically isolate Russia from the global economy.

"NIGERIA IS A NATION IN THE ACCELERATED FREE FALL ZONE IN OUR LIFETIME"

Everything in Nigeria that I know in my lifetime has all gone from bad to worse in all reality, truth and honesty as time marches forward in that country of my physical birth. The poverty rate is growing in Nigeria year in and year out. The value of the Nigerian Naira continues to depreciate yearly against the international currencies of the world. The youth unemployment rate grows every year. The wages, living standard and the purchasing power of the ordinary Nigerians go down every new year. The true worthy of a Nigerian university degree and her entire educational system go down as we welcome a new year. The national infrastructures, social services and health care services become more and more overwhelmed, outdated and inadequate with time. The insecurity to the life and properties of Nigerians as well as the Boko Haram terrorism are both getting worse and worse as time moves forward in Nigeria. The reign of the official corruption, resource mismanagement, money laundering, oil theft, smuggling, tax evasion and the questionable allocation of the import duty waivers are growing out of control yearly with the reported theft of $20 billion that makes it the largest known treasury looting in my lifetime as a Nigerian.